E-scooters are an abomination
And you will not convince me otherwise
Mankind has invented some pretty stupid things over the course of its history. The nuclear bomb and artificial intelligence, which threatens to take away our jobs, are two examples that spring to mind.
Allow me to be so bold as to add a third example… your honour, I ask you to consider banning… the e-scooter. Yes, ladies and gentleman, j’accuse the humble electronic board narrow board with two wheels and a long handlebar. Yes. J’accuse, j’accuse, j’accuse!
Now, I can hear you asking yourself, why is he banging on about e-scooters?
Well, let me tell you.
ONE. They run on Lithium-ion rechargeable batteries. Firstly, these are made by companies who are probably using something close to slave labour to dig out rare metals in deepest South America or Africa, or wherever they come from. Secondly, they have to be charged up regularly. That charging is not all happening with renewable energy, to say the least. So they’re not as environmentally-friendly as some snake oil salesmen make them out to be.
TWO. They make you lazy. You stand on these hellish things, press some button or twist a handle, or whatever it is you have to do to operate it, and away you go. You are using none of your own energy to move from A to B. A scooter should be something that you propel with your own body. Thereby getting some exercise. If you are using an e-scooter because it is quicker than walking, then perhaps you should consider using a bicycle.
THREE. They are far less convenient to use than a car. Or motorbike. You can’t transport more than yourself and a small bag or rucksack. You’re better off pushing a wheelbarrow.
FOUR. Grown men and women on e-scooters look a bit ridiculous. Scooters are for children. Then again, we have become completely infantile and dependant on the State, so I shouldn’t be surprised that adult usage of e-scooters should manifest this phenomenon in this way.
FIVE. They’re too quick, and so dangerous. Now I’m all for risk, as regular readers will know, but these things nip round corners faster than a delivery driver who has one minute left before that pizza he is transporting will have to be handed over for free (is that even still a thing in this day and age of Uber Eats and Deliveroo, etc? — ed).
SIX. They are holding back development of the hoverboard. Please watch Back to the Future Part II for more information.
E-scooters will never appear in any of my novels or novellas, unless there is the need for a scene where they are all piled high on top of each other, burnt, crushed, and then sent out to space on some gigantic rocket that has been given a one-way ticket to Mars.
E-scooter! Be gone with you, you infernal product of hell!
Shout out!
Shout out to Seny Dieng, the goalkeeper for QPR, who scored a last-gasp equaliser against Sunderland at the weekend in the English football championship. Go QPR!
Progress update:
First draft of the The Man Who Wore Hats (working title) is done. Comes in at 57,194 words at present. I will now start to edit and refine it.
I have completed the first edit of The Gaff (my latest novella). I am now making corrections and adding little bits here and there.
Take it easy. And thanks for reading.