Another year of complete and utter hogwash
Strap in for the ride
Happy New Year to all of you dear readers. Welcome to the year 2023 A.D.
Trouble is brewing in chez Handzel. My wife wants to take the Christmas tree down. I want to keep it up until 2 February, as per my childhood tradition, and indeed, tradition, full stop. I refer you, dear readers, to the following article for proof that I am, indeed, correct in my valiant attempts to keep the tree up:
Who will win is anyone’s guess. Right? Am I right, or wot? (Ed — you have no chance) Hang on there, one moment please. I was victorious in this particular battle last year, although I admit my wife has a valid reason to want to have dispensation in order to take the tree down early this year. “What are these unique circumstances?!?!?!”, I hear you cry, as you some of stare into the abyss that is “Dry” January (a word of advice — don’t do it).
Well, we have moved back into Castle Handzel, complete with a moat made exclusively of mud and clay. After being in temporary accommodation it is a relief to be back in. Having said that, the kitchen ceiling was leaking the other day. It has stopped leaking now, but there is a rather large hole in one corner of the kitchen ceiling now. Added to that, my mother-in-law’s part of the residence is not finished yet. Many of the doors need adjusting/shaving off at the bottom; the electrics aren’t finished; we don’t have guttering everywhere; etc. But, as I keep reminding myself, these are first world problems. At least we have a roof over our heads.
We were very grateful that my mother-in-law was able to stay with us over most of the (modern-day so-called) festive period and we all had a thoroughly excellent time, playing Scrabble and eating lots of mashed potato. Hopefully, the remaining work will be completed soon and we can all start charging visitors to come and view the chateau and the surrounding grounds before too long.
But I digress. Where were we? Yes, the Christmas tree… The front room where it sits is still not complete and it’s a little squashed in there. We chucked our sofas, the pianoforte, and other such items in there upon our return, as there was nowhere for them to really go due to ongoing renovations. So my wife’s argument is that we need to get rid of the tree to get a feel for how we want the room to long-term. In other words, to see the wood from the trees, or something like that. (Ed — what time does your shift end? This is getting painful).
I’ll keep you all posted.
2023 should be a good one, from a purely selfish fiction-writing point-of-view. I am hoping to get The Fragment from The Shroud into all disreputable bookstores and black market outlets; write two more novellas; and get working on a new Kwan/vigilante novel).
New Year’s resolutions:
Write more
Edit quicker
Read more
Stop wasting time on Twitter
Drop in the occasional interesting/informative Hogwash post (Ed — that’ll be the day).
I am very grateful to those of you who have read The Gaff and provided me with feedback. If you feel inclined to write a quick review, or give it some stars then feel free to do so (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
Two funny things I learnt recently:
One of our decorators (Polish chap) once bought a fake black Christmas tree and kept if for years as he could not be bothered swapping it out for a green one.
He also claims to never suffer from colds, coughs and such ailments. If he feels the sniffles coming on he makes himself a garlic sandwich and is then right as rain. It has to be purple garlic from the Polish shop though (no, don’t ask).
An interesting statistic:
The mighty Queens Park Rangers have been knocked out of the English Football Association Cup competition at the third round stage 51 times now. This is a record.
2023 prediction:
Western civilisation will survive for another year. Just.
Take it easy. And thanks for reading.